Missed opportunities
by LovelessDestiny
Summary: Slash. WinterHawk, past Coulson/Hawkeye. Phil put his work first, letting go of the man he loved. Years later their paths cross again. While Phil tries to get back what he lost, Clint has to cope with old wounds opening up. Luckily, Clint has the support of his ragtag family to guide him through this.


Disclaimer: The Characters etc. used in this story belong to Marvel. I don't own anything.

I got a review from a Guest for Perfect little soldier, telling me that he/she wished for a different ending. While reading this I remembered stories I wrote but never put online, because I switched ships and was kind of scared to post stories using other pairings. (Stupid of me, but this is how I feel for reasons I don't really know).

So, in case my dear Guest stumbles over this: Perhaps you will like this one better. Or absolutely hate it, because it's so not your cup of tea.

And to all the others: Thank you for reading. And if you choose to comment, please be friendly. Hate comments make sad.

Have fun.

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Warnings: Slash. Mpreg is mentioned. Violence and Torture, not graphic.

Rating: T to make sure.

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Clint boarded the bus with a sinking feeling in his gut. He dreaded that particular mission since Maria ordered him to go two days ago. _Almost four years_, his grip on his duffle bag tightened. _Almost four fucking years. _

"Agent Barton," Phil greeted with an insecure smile, his heart hammered painfully in his chest. He was nervous and had no idea what to expect after almost four long years. "Let me introduce you to Daisy Johnson, Jemma Simmons and Leo Fitz. Our other members are currently unavailable due to undercover work."

"You can call me Sky," Daisy held out her hand for Barton to shake.

Barton stared at her through his shades, taking her hand after a few long seconds, "Clint."

"I heard a lot about you," she rambled. "You're one of the Avengers, right? Former SHIELD Agent."

Clint let go of her hand, "I'm still an Agent of SHIELD." _She looks pretty normal considering her background. _"Where is May?"

"In the cockpit, getting ready for takeoff," Phil stated. The archer's lack of interest was disappointing but understandable.

Clint nodded, "My room?"

"Sky, show him to his room," Phil watched the archer go with sadness in his eyes. _What did I expect? After what I did to him I can consider myself lucky he didn't decline his order. _

Jemma and Fitz tagged along, studying the archer. It was hard to believe that someone like him was an active member of a team of heroes.

"That is our, you could call it living room," Daisy spread her arms. "Comfy isn't it?"

Clint grunted in agreement.

"So how does it feel to work with Captain America and Tony Stark?" Her curiosity got the better of her.

"They aren't much different from us," he shrugged. "Just a bit more… robust."

Fitz snorted, "Nice way of putting it."

Clint turned his head and even with his shades on his expression told the young engineer that he was walking on very thin ice. "I'm fully capable of keeping up with them."

"But you have to agree that you're not… as robust and therefore prone to serious injuries," Jemma spoke without thinking it through.

"I agree," the archer couldn't deny that but what they did not know is that Cap and the others trained with him on a regular basis, to make sure he can protect himself against almost everyone.

She was relieved that the archer didn't take her words to heart. "I should shut up now," she uttered under her breath.

"Don't stop voicing your thoughts, even if they seem impolite," Clint offered her a smile. "There is a difference between being mean and being honest."

She blushed, his smile was cute.

"You're one of the best in your field and so are you," he looked from Simmons to Fitz. "You're still young and I'm looking forward to see what you're capable of with a couple of years of experience."

"You heard about us?" Fitz was all ears now.

"I looked into you before I boarded the plane," he confessed. _Well, Tony did_. "I don't like working with people I don't know, especially after the Hydra incident."

"So you know about me?" Daisy looked embarrassed.

"You're just as freaky as my team," he shrugged. "I don't care who or what you are as long as you play for the right team." The bright smile on her lips took him by surprise. "My room?"

"Oh, of course. Follow me," she guided him through three corridors until they reached their destination. "It's pretty small but all we have."

"I don't care," he was a sniper after all.

She loitered in front of his door for a while until Clint sent her a questioning look, she waved and headed back to the communal area of the bus.

Clint closed the door and huffed out a laugh. He put his bag down next to the bed and took the phone he hid in a hidden pouch in the bag. The phone couldn't be traced and not even the equipment on the bus could pick up its signal. Tony gifted him with it before he left so he could call them, they didn't like it when he went on missions without them; and Bucky turned into a nervous wreck when he didn't hear from Clint once in a while, which made the entire team nervous. So Clint guessed the main reason Tony put so much effort into his phone was to avoid the tension.

He sent Bucky a text, informing him about their departure and that it went relatively well. Barely a minute later, he got a reply; telling him to be careful and to call if he needed to talk.

Clint knew James was worried, not about the mission itself but about Clint working with Coulson. The older Agent and Clint had been an item for two years and friends for almost eight before Loki came into their lives. Phil's death had hit him hard but knowing that he was still alive but never bothered to inform him about it hurt by far worse. In hindsight Clint had to admit that his relationship with Phil had never been a truly happy one. Work always came first and Clint had to make many sacrifices over the years while he tried to hold on, desperately, to what little he had. Phil was a good boyfriend and the older man loved him, there was no doubt about it but Phil didn't love him enough to change his priorities. For Clint his lover always came first, there was nothing he wouldn't do for him, so it delivered a blow to his ego every time Phil did the exact opposite.

What the archer had with Barnes for the last two and a half years was very different from what he had with Phil. The Winter Soldier had caught his interest the day they met and Clint had felt so endlessly guilty for feeling attracted to Barnes, disregarding Phil's memory. Over a year after Phil's death Maria had to follow Nick into hiding for a while and they got informed about Coulson's temporary promotion to Director of SHIELD and that moment had changed everything. Clint finally allowed himself to heal and then he allowed himself to let his blooming friendship with Barnes turn into something more, and as guilty as he still felt at times it was the best decision he ever made. Bucky put Clint first, he listened to him, he paid attention to him and knew if something was bothering him without Clint telling him, he protected him and above all he loved him unconditionally. For the first time Clint had found a person who loved him the way he loved him in return. They're both damaged and bordering on insanity but they got through it together. _There is no need to worry, Bucky. I'm coming home to you at the end of the mission_.

A knock on his door pulled him out of his reverie. He put the phone away, "It's open."

"Here you are," Phil leaned against the doorway. Clint could see the nervousness in his stance and that Phil was just as out of his depth as he was. "We will reach our destination in ten hours. The briefing starts in an hour."

"Okay," he avoided Phil's eyes.

"How have you been?" He licked his bottom lip, waiting for a blow or yelling.

The archer shrugged, "I had ups and downs. But I'm fine now."

"That's good," Phil tried to smile. "I'm sorry for how things went between us."

_You're sorry_, he snorted.

"I really am," Phil looked at the ground for a moment, collecting his raging thoughts. "I should have called you."

"You should have," Clint agreed. "Would have spared me a lot of heartache."

"I had my orders and later the timing never seemed right. I didn't know how," he had thought about calling Clint every single day but in the end he chickened out or something big came up.

"It's actually pretty easy," Clint clenched his fists, fighting down the urge to beat the stuffing out of his handler. "You pick up a phone, type in the number and press call."

Phil winced, _I deserved that_. "I couldn't," he shrugged helplessly. "The world was going down in flames and more mutants appeared every day and then Hydra destroyed us from the inside out."

"I could have helped you," Clint argued. "I could have joined your team or any other team." Back then he would have joined Phil on his quest in a heartbeat, now he wouldn't trade his spot as an Avenger for anything in the world. They're his family.

"After the attack people knew your face," Phil stated too matter-of-factly for Clint's liking. "And you were considered compromised for a long time."

"And that's why it didn't work out," Clint finally looked at Phil, holding his gaze. "With or without Loki, we wouldn't have made it in the long run."

Clint was serious and damned did it hurt, "Of course we would still be together. I love you, Clint. I still do and that will never change."

"No," Clint got up from the bed. "You left me behind, and for what? To fight the bad guys, to pick up strays…"

"What we do is important, Clint," _you of all people should know that_.

"I never said it isn't," he shook his head. Many days had he imagined how it would be to finally talk about it with Phil, he knew it would hurt and he knew he would get angry but the truth was his ex-lover's words were tearing him apart. _Did I mean so little to you? _"But I'm not. Not to you."

"You do matter," Phil made a step into the room.

"Funny way of showing it," he took a few calming breaths to get his temper back under control. "Now leave," he looked at his watch. "See you in 50 minutes."

Phil backed away with his heart in shreds. He knew he had hurt Clint and he knew what he did was inexcusable but he had hoped that Clint would find it in him to forgive him. _I'm an asshole. _

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"The base is located in a small town north-east of Prague. They're experimenting on mutants. Their goal is it to strengthen their powers even more. The mutants get brainwashed and work for them as spies or soldiers," Phil explained.

"It's a Hydra base, isn't it?" Clint stared at the monitor, studying the outlay of the building and adjoining area.

"It is," May confirmed with surprise in her voice. "How do you know?"

"Two years ago we stumbled over a base with the same purpose," Clint kept his expression guarded. _That's where we found our twins_. After bringing Wanda and Pietro back with them to New York, the twins needed a guardian because of their young age of 14. For some reason Pietro adored the archer and his sister was fond of Clint as well, and she was even fonder of Bucky, so they took the twins in. "We found tons of alien technology in their basement."

Phil furrowed his brows, "that means they're abducting kids all over the world to make them part of their organization." They had a lot of work ahead of them if they wanted to close the bases.

"They don't kidnap them," Clint stated dryly. "Too many questions."

"Where else do they find them?" Daisy wasn't sure she wanted an answer.

Clint tilted his head and crossed his beefy arms in front of his chest, "war zones are full of orphaned kids nobody will miss, or they're assumed dead. They offer them food and a roof over their head, therefore they cooperate."

"Is that what happened to the kids you guys found?" She looked so sad that Clint regretted his choice of words.

A tiny smile graced his lips as he thought of their first meeting, Pietro knocking him on his ass while Wanda caused trouble with her magic. He sighed deeply, "yes."

"It's not funny," Jenna chided. "They had so much to endure, especially after losing their families."

Clint looked stunned but then he remembered that she didn't know, "Wasn't thinking of their past but about the mischief they love to cause."

"You're still in contact with them?" Phil eyed the archer carefully. It wasn't like Clint to get too attached to the victims. The archer always tried to keep his distance in hope to protect himself from additional emotional issues.

"They're part of the team, kind of," he replied truthfully without giving away too much. "Now back to the topic," he leaned forwards and rested his arms on the table. "What's my part in the game?" He could hear Fitz mutter an offended 'game' and feel Daisy's accusing glare.

"We need you up there," he pointed at a building on the other end of the street. "Madame Hydra made it her home base. We have her schedule for this week. Take her out and the two bodyguards she keeps around."

Clint frowned thoughtfully, "If this is her home base, we haven't enough man power for the guards inside."

"We just want her right now," Phil put his hand on Clint's shoulder, feeling him tense beneath his palm. "Her death will cause a commotion and we'll use the moment to evacuate the kids."

"Coulson," Clint turned in his chair to look at the older man. "They won't go willingly."

"Oh they will," Phil smiled, squeezing Clint's shoulder before he let go. "I have people inside."

"Bobby and Lance," Clint nodded in understanding. "This could work."

"It will," Phil placed his palms on the table. "They're working from the inside for weeks now, with the order just to make contact if something goes wrong. They know we're coming and don't deem it necessary to warn us so as far as I'm concerned the plan will work."

"I just say Budapest," he leaned back into his chair with his arms crossed in front of his chest.

"Where is your faith?" Phil smiled. "We got out of there in once piece."

"My faith in you died with you and for the 'in one piece' part, do I have to remind you that you got shot?"

The silence that followed was awkward, Daisy kept her eyes on the table while Fitz and Simmons looked at each other and May rolled her eyes. She knew it was just a matter of time that their past came up.

"Our unconventional breakup has nothing to do with my competences as a field Agent. You can still trust me with that," he felt the heat rise to his ears. His team had, aside from May, no idea about the depth of Clint's and his past. _Until now_.

_To be fair he takes his job seriously_, "I can do that."

Phil nodded and went on with the briefing for the next twenty minutes.

"Barton," May directed at Clint the moment Phil announced the meeting over. "I could use a sparing partner, interested?"

"Sure," Clint smirked.

"Let's see if your skills have improved," she got up from the chair gestured him to follow her with a movement of her index finger. "Last time we spared you failed rather spectacularly."

"You and I remember it very differently," Clint's smirk widened.

"In all those years you haven't won once against her," Phil sounded amused and his expression mirrored how amused he was. "You never managed to beat Natasha either."

Clint gave his handler a dirty look, "not matching up to Natasha came in handy when I tried to kill her under Loki's influence. The hit to the head put the wires back where they belonged," he described circling motions towards his head with his index fingers.

Phil's smile faded away, he didn't know about it. Honestly, he knew nothing about what happened to Clint after he died, aside from his classification as compromised, and he felt guilty for it. "She has a mean right hook."

"The steel railing was helpful as well," Clint sounded amused about Natasha's tactic.

Coulson was surprised of Clint's ability to laugh about it but he guessed that it was a good sign, "She's resourceful."

"I want to meet her one day. Do you think it's possible?" Daisy asked hopefully. "I have heard so much about her." _Black Widow is a legend_.

"We could use a few days off after this so why not. We can pay Stark a visit when he allows it," Phil suggested. "What do you think, Clint?"

The archer froze for a moment, the prospect of Phil and his team invading his home caused an uneasy feeling in his stomach but perhaps having him there could give him closure. "Sure, I'll ask." Clint felt absolutely nothing when he was around Phil, there was a time his stomach fluttered and his heart swelled but these times were long gone. _I don't want my lover back but I'd like my old friend back. _

"Come on, Clint. Second thoughts?" May took off her jacket.

Clint shed his hoodie and shirt, leaving him in his undershirt. "I'm ready when you are," he taunted.

Jemma pointed at the line of scares on Clint's neck and shoulder, whispering to Fitz. It caught Phil's attention and he wondered what had caused them because they hadn't been there four years ago.

Clint pretended not to notice their stares and hushed exchange of theories; he moved into his fighting stance and kept his eyes on Melinda.

May got into position and made the first move as Clint continued staring at her. She started with a punch to his face, which he easily avoided. With a swift step to the side he avoided her other fist and turned his body in the opposite direction of the approaching leg and blocked to take some of its force out of it. They danced around each other for over ten minutes and May's shirt was plastered to her skin, soaked in sweat.

Phil adored Clint's body and the movements of his muscles. The archer gained some weight over the years and looked even bulkier than before, his movements were a bit quicker and more fluent than he remembered. _He's beautiful_.

"Avoiding getting hit? Is that all you got?" May brushed the back of her hand over her forehead.

"As an Avenger it's probably the best way to avoid getting killed," Phil muttered louder than intended. He considered Clint's part in the Avenger Initiative an error of judgment, whatever Nick was thinking he must have been out of his mind. Clint was good but he wasn't a Super Soldier or a God.

Clint dropped his hands and stretched his back, wincing as his spine popped.

"Giving up?" May directed a predatory grin at him, getting ready to attack once he put his hands back up but to her surprise he didn't.

"I'm not a quitter," he smiled at her while he took off his shades, fixating her with his steely blue eyes. "But you look like you could use a pause," he threw his shades on top of his clothes.

"I won't hold back anymore in honor of your dignity," she didn't dare to move yet. _I can't read him. What are you planning?_

"Phil," Clint let his gaze stray for a moment. "Do you want to join us?"

Phil's mouth went dry, it didn't take him long to make a decision. He wouldn't let the chance pass to get close to Clint, working out had always been a highlight as their bodies moved in unison while sweat dripped down their skins and limits got tested. "Why not." He got rid of his jacket and dress shirt.

"I won't hold back either, just so you know." Something in Clint's tone sent a shiver down Melinda's spine and she had the sudden feeling that sparing had been a huge mistake.

"Don't forget I taught you how to fight," Phil took off his shoes and threw them aside, raising his hands in front of his chin.

Clint smirked and moved without warning. He threw a punch at Phil and avoided getting kicked by May, he fulfilled a backflip as both Agents' fists flew in direction of his face. He jumped forward and hit Phil hard in the stomach and let himself fall, spinning around and pulling May's feet from under her. The two Agents gave each other a quick look and a nod before they attacked again, this time as a unit. Clint caught a fist to the chin but got distance between him and Phil due to a push with his leg. Phil lost his footing for a moment and before he could regain it Clint dodged May's attack and snaked his arm around her, throwing her at Phil like a doll. She crushed into the older Agent with a pained grunt. Clint let them catch their breath and get up from the ground. The archer blocked the following storm of punches and kicks with well-practiced ease, just one kick connected painfully with his torso but Clint didn't let the pain affect him.

The archer spotted a couple of ping pong balls on a bench. He let Phil and May near again, with a backflip he landed on the bench and took two of the balls without anyone noticing and immediately after he pushed himself off the bench with the power of his strong thighs and jumped, Phil and May turned their heads in surprise as Clint flew over them. The archer turned in the air until he faced them, throwing the balls, each hitting their mark in the head. He landed gracefully on the matt, "In a real fight you'd be dead."

"What the hell?" Melinda muttered, looking from the spot in front of her to the bench and then to Clint and back again.

"Your skills improved a lot," Phil admitted breathlessly.

"My new position acquires new skills," Clint grinned. "I'm not done learning yet but I'm getting there," he put his shades back on but left them on the tip of his nose so he could look at them without hiding behind his shades for once. James told him many times not to hide his pretty eyes.

"Who taught you that?" Jemma stared at Clint in awe.

"A lot of people," he shrugged. "I grew up in a Carnival, that's where I learned acrobatic skills, and from Natasha. The rest is a mix of Coulson, May, Rogers, Wilson and Barnes."

"Did you just say Barnes?" Phil couldn't believe his ears. "As in James Buchanan Barnes?"

"Yes," the archer confirmed. "Is that a problem?"

"You're sparing with the Winter Soldier? Clint, he could kill you," Barnes could not be trusted, one more error of judgment in his opinion.

"Nah," Clint lifted a finger and pushed his shades upwards to hide the deadly glare he directed at Phil. "He's a good guy." _The best_. "And Steve could break my neck just as easily."

"But Rogers pays attention so not to kill you by accident," that was the fan boy talking.

"You have such a crush on him," he forced a smirk on his face. The anger the comment regarding Bucky sparked in him scared even him a little. Phil was the last person on earth who had a right to judge anyone. "He broke my nose once," he remembered with a fondness that dimmed down the anger.

"What?" Phil sounded outraged. "Why?"

"He got into a fistfight with Barnes," this time he smiled for real. Bucky had fussed over him for days, and so had Steve. "I tried to stop them."

"I think you should return to SHIELD, fulltime." The archer was going to get killed, handling teammates and enemies far out of his league.

"He may be right, Clint," May agreed. "You aren't one of them, no matter how good you are."

Fitz opened his mouth to state his opinion but Jemma elbowed him in the side, "don't add your low opinion to it." The archer looked hurt; she could see that even though he hid behind his shades and a carefully blank expression. Daisy could see it too so she kept quiet as well.

"I am good enough and there aren't enough Super Soldiers and goodhearted mutants around to keep the world safe. We need people like me just as much as we need people like you," he turned around and left before he could say anything he might regret one day.

"He has a point, boss," Daisy watched him leave, wondering what he was thinking but whatever it was bothered him greatly if the way his expression fell the moment he faced away from Coulson and May was any indication.

Phil did not reply.

Clint sat on his bed with his back against the wall and his legs crossed, calling Bucky.

-Hey,- Bucky's voice sounded sleepy. –What happened?- The call came earlier than he'd expected.

He sighed audibly. "I miss you."

-Miss you, too.- Bucky sounded more awake now. –You sound upset. What did he do?-

The archer chuckled without humor, _you know me so well_. "A lot of things."

-I'm listening, pretty bird. Take your time.-

"He told me he still loves me but he sees nothing wrong in putting me last. Don't worry I feel nothing for him and I'm angry enough to put an arrow through his eye." Bucky huffed out a laugh. "He said you're dangerous and I should keep my distance from you. I'd rather put an arrow through my own eye than leave you and the kids."

Bucky said nothing but hearing all this soothed his fears immensely. Clint was through with Agent Coulson, at least as a lover; relieving their friendship was something Bucky was willing to get used to but if the Agent continued putting his foot in his mouth at any given chance they would end up as enemies.

"They deem me weak, James. I worked so hard to become better and they still deem me weak. They think I should resign from the Avenger Initiative and return to my duties as a fulltime SHIELD Agent. We spared today. I beat May and Coulson, letting them look like rookies but still it wasn't good enough."

-You are not weak,- Bucky said in a tone that left no room for arguments. –You're a valuable part of our team and a loved member of our family. You have every right to call yourself an Avenger. You worked for it and you deserve it. Don't let them drag you down! They don't know you the way we do. They don't know what you're capable of. If you were weak you wouldn't be on the team and you know that.-

A relieved smile tugged on his lips, "I needed to hear that."

-I know,- his lover's low self-esteem remained intact no matter how hard they tried to show him how awesome and lovable he was. –I love you, sweetheart.-

"Love you too, more than anything." He lay down on the bed. "I wish you were here."

-And I wish you were here with me,- Bucky said softly. –It's probably not the right moment to say this but I'm glad you're pissed at him.-

Clint hummed, "I wonder why?" He let his amusement leak into his voice. "You have absolutely nothing to worry about. I wasn't as happy back then as I am now. Today I realized that I would have left him for you. I'm pretty sure of that. Even if he hadn't played dead-man our relationship would have ended sooner or later. Though, without his death I wouldn't have joined the team so in a way I should be thankful, because due to his lie I got the chance to get to know you."

-We would have met one day,- being with Clint felt so right it had to be fate what brought them together. –But saying I'm not pleased would be a lie.-

"I'm looking forward to our wedding," he felt warm at the thought and safe.

-Me too,- _three more months_. –Do you want to tell him?-

"I don't know," he curled up on the mattress, hugging himself with one arm. "I'll decide what to do after the mission is over. One part of me wants to be honest with him and another part wants to keep him out of our life. The fact that he doesn't like you doesn't make it easier."

-We can talk about it when you're home,- Bucky offered his help with the decision.

"I'd like that," he took a shaky breath.

-Clint?-

It wasn't his intention to worry him, "Leaving you gets harder and harder. I'm thinking about leaving SHIELD or get a job as consultant."

-And the Avengers?- He was scared Clint wanted out, being a spy and assassin was all James ever knew.

"No, not the Avengers. We're like a big dysfunctional family. We live together, we fight together, we cry and laugh together. SHIELD isn't what it used to be and most people don't trust me anyway. No, I want to be home for you and the kids. I want to be home for anniversaries and holydays and I want to be there on their graduation day. Theoretically I'm on leave right now and it's already the second time within the last six months that they cancelled my vacation for the sake of the Agency and the world, blah, blah."

-One more topic we have to discuss when you return home,- Bucky was mildly amused by Clint's rant. They had talked about it a few times but Clint had never seriously considered leaving until now so he decided to postpone the talk and grant his lover more time to think it through. -You're tired and stressed out. Use your vacation to find your inner balance and when you're relaxed and happy we can talk about the pros and cons and what's best. Okay?-

"And I chatter on and on, I'm sorry, love. I shouldn't use you that way."

-I'm your partner, sweetheart. It's my job to listen. Do I have to remind you of all the nights you spent listening to me after a nightmare or flashback? That's what partners do, they listen, they offer comfort and protect each other. All this is just as much a part of a healthy relationship than little surprises, laughter and fun.-

"James Buchanan Barnes, you're an angel," Clint rubbed at his red rimmed eyes. "You're my angel."

Bucky smiled goofily but did not reply; it wasn't necessary.

"I should get some sleep before we land," he didn't want to hang up but he had to eventually. "Go back to sleep and tell the kids I said hi."

-Be careful,- Bucky hated it when Clint was out there somewhere without him. –I love you.-

"Love you, too."

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"Sir," May announced via intercome. "An unidentified plane is approaching."

"Get the bus ready," Phil ran to the loading ramp to get a good look.

"It's Stark's Quinjet, sir." She felt a sense of relief the moment Stark hailed her.

Fitz, Simmons and Daisy joined Coulson in the hold, watching the Quinjet land.

"Captain," Phil greeted politely. "What do I owe the honor of you presence?"

"Barton," he stated darkly. Tony nodded at Phil and shifted his attention back to the device in his hand. Wilson, Banner and Natasha entered the bus in silence; followed by a man with longish hair, combat uniform, mask and goggles.

Now that Phil paid attention to it they were all dressed in their fighting gear.

"What happened?" Natasha glared daggers at her former handler.

"We aren't sure yet," Phil confessed. "He was in his nest and took out his mark. After the job was done, he was gone. We can't find his trace and have no idea where to look."

"You lost him?" Tony stated dryly.

"We didn't lose him," Daisy defended her boss. "He got abducted."

"All the same to me," it happened on Coulson's watch so he was responsible for it, period.

"Tony, try and track him down. With some luck we find something on the surveillance cameras of the shops around the area. Natasha, you and Bruce could ask around, posing as newlyweds."

"We are newlyweds," Natasha put her hand on Bruce's arm. "Come on, the sooner we get him home the sooner we can get on our plane to Hawaii."

Bruce knew her act was just that, an act. He knew how much she cared for Clint and that his disappearance frightened her. The archer was an important part of her life, you could call him her brother and that made him in a way Bruce's kindhearted brother-in-law, aside from that Hawkeye was the green guy's best friend.

"Sam keep an eye on the area," Steve pointed skywards. "1900, here."

They nodded and hurried away to gather information.

"Show me the way to your command center," Tony gave Fitz a brief glance.

Fitz looked at Phil, waiting for confirmation. The older man nodded and so he led Tony Stark deeper into the bus.

"Bucky, you're with me," Steve studied his friend for a moment. He was angry and scared but tried his best to appear unaffected so not to scare anyone or give them a reason to kick him out. Steve guessed that Bucky's attempt at appearing cool and collected was his desperate attempt to hold on to his Winter Soldier persona as well. Bucky was scared and his emotions threatened to overrule his mind, taking out his ability to think clearly. The Winter Soldier on the other hand was not affected by such things; he had his emotions and thoughts under control, making decisions based on logic and usefulness. _I wonder how long he'll last before he breaks._

"Follow me," Phil was on high alert, keeping track of the Winter Soldier from the corner of his eye while he stayed close to the Captain in case Barnes showed his true face. After a short walk they joined Tony.

"Whoever it was you assassinated, it was not Madam Hydra," Tony looked up from the screen. "She's in Panama right now. I reckon Clint shot a shapeshifter. I'm surprised they let your Agents get away with the teens. All things considered I dare to say that your informant sold you out. I suggest you take the teens you saved into custody as soon as you can."

"Morse and Hunter are trustworthy," as much as Phil hated it he had to agree with Stark.

"McArthur then," Steve clicked his tongue a few times while he thought. "He's the undercover Agent who brought Morse and Hunter into the game, right?"

Phil grabbed the edge of the table, holding on so tight that his knuckles turned white. "It has to be him." _One more Agent lost to Hydra_.

"So they let Bobby and Lance go with a bunch of sleeper Agents and took Clint, for what? Information?" Daisy looked a little lost.

Steve rested his hip against the table and crossed his arms in front of his chest, "Clint won't talk no matter what they do. SHIELD Agents are trained for cases like these and Clint is no exception, they know this."

"Neither does SHIELD negotiate with terrorists," Phil added.

"Never stopped us from trying," Bucky stated matter-of-factly.

"How many of our Agents had the misfortune to suffer by your hand?" Phil glared at Barnes, letting his gaze stray to the metal arm for a moment.

"Too many," he replied truthfully.

"Why did you switch sides?" Daisy blurted out before she could stop herself.

"They wiped his memory and programmed him to their liking; repeating the procedure every time he showed a hint of his old self or doubt in the cause," Steve explained. "During the battle between SHILED and Hydra my presence triggered long forgotten memories and the moment he got the chance he ran. Hydra was too busy at the time to come after him. His memory slowly returned and with that the knowledge that he could come to me for help."

"So he wasn't with Hydra because he wanted to be?"

"No," Steve shook his head. "He's a good man."

"He's your childhood friend. Don't let the past blind you," Phil looked from Bucky to Steve and then down at the console in front of him. He needed to contact Bobby and Lance.

"I know him," Steve smiled at Bucky. "And I trust him."

"We all trust him," Tony stated while he typed away on his StarkPad. "He's grumpy, though."

"Fuck you, Stark," James hissed.

"Love you too, bro," Stark was not impressed by the dangerous attitude. "Now let's get our bird home."

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

"Nobody remembers anything," Natasha sat on a chair at the counter of the bus' very own bar.

"They are bad liars but too scared to tell the truth," Bruce sat next to her, nursing a cup of tea. "Wherever they hold him hostage, it's not too far from here."

"Bruce is right," she could feel it in her gut.

"The area looks normal from above. There is an old fabric further south, it's abandoned. Couldn't find a secret entrance or anything else but dust and dirt," Sam downed his coffee in one go.

James closed his eyes for a moment; he was tired and emotionally drained. His lover was missing and they had absolutely no clue where he was and what worried him most was that he knew how Hydra interrogators worked. What he knew he had learned from them. They worked with pain, hunger and dehydration and sometimes drugs. The mere thought of them torturing his beloved archer caused a sick feeling in his stomach. _Hold on, Clint. We're coming for you_, but the question was when. Bucky pulled out his burner phone as an idea came to his mind, he had a few old acquaintances who owed him one way or another and he was still in possession of codes Hydra wasn't even aware he had. So he sent a few messages. "Stark, we need to talk," he got up from the couch and left the room with Tony in tow.

Coulson watched them leave with a curious expression; Stark and Barnes together didn't bode well. "So you're married?" He gave Natasha a shy smile.

She glared at him for a moment before she answered, "Yes. A week."

"That's good," he never thought she would get married. "I'm glad you found your special someone."

"You're still all alone, I wonder why?" Normally she wasn't a mean person but Coulson had hurt her and Clint, deeply.

"Natasha," he said weakly.

"You disappeared from our lives for four years. Don't expect me to be happy to see you," her expression told him exactly what she thought about him. "Clint went on this mission because you needed him, that's the only reason he got to see you. I wasn't needed so you go on without me. When would you have called for my help, Phil? In five years? In ten? Never?"

"I had no choice but ask for his help," Phil looked away from her; he couldn't stand her accusing glare any longer.

"Calling for Clint and not me is not the issue. My problem is that you wouldn't have called at all if it weren't for his skill set. We were your team, your family, he was even your boyfriend but you walked out on us. You walked away, leaving us behind with our grief and guilt. You broke his heart and you broke mine."

"I want to fix this," he dared to look at her again. _She hates me_. "I intend to mend the rift I created between us."

"The way I see it, there is nothing to mend," Natasha placed a hand on Coulson's. "Maybe and just maybe we can be friends again, one day. But we will never be as close as we were before you abandoned us."

"You found a new home," he smiled ruefully at Bruce.

"Yeah," she nodded. "And so did Clint."

Her words sent a pang of regret through his chest, "I have to try."

"No matter how hard you try, he will not come back," Natasha turned away from him and shifted her attention back to Bruce.

Phil looked around, not looking for anyone or at anything in particular. He thought about old times when he, Natasha and Clint were still one of the best teams SHIELD had to offer. He thought about the times they spent huddled up in a tiny safe house, waiting for their ride home and he remembered the times they spent in each other's hospital rooms after an op went awry. Natasha was right; they had been a tight knitted family back then. Until Phil decided the job was more important than his team and friends; and his lover. _I shouldn't have done that. I could have found another way if I'd truly wanted. _

"He turned to alcohol for comfort," Steve appeared to his right, pointing at the line of bottles on the shelf. "For a while we feared he becomes an alcoholic but he put a stop to it before it was too late. Back then I held you in high regard, you're a respectable man, and I was shocked to hear that you of all people were able to break his heart in such a cruel way. The damage you caused was extensive but the kid is strong. Way stronger than you give him credit for."

"I think I owe you for saving him," Phil refilled his coffee cup.

"I'd protect him with my life," Steve's tone hardened. "And should you or anyone else hurt him, believe me, I will make you regret that you're ever born." The Captain left the brooding Agent to stew in his own juice; he didn't want to hear excuses or apologizes.

Phil was at a loss for words and his thoughts came to a sudden halt, leaving his mind blank. Captain America, his childhood hero, threatened him and meant it. Steve Rogers was now his ex-boyfriend's friend, a very good one when the threat was any indication. Clint found a place among heroes and they accept him for who he was, mere human and no super powers and all. Phil had to admit that he felt a bit jealous.

Daisy watched her frustrated mentor from afar. She loved him like a father and hoped that it would turn out well for him in the end, even though she had to admit that he deserved it if not.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Another two days passed without a trace and their patience was wearing thin.

Bucky kept to himself most of the time, growling at every person who was stupid enough to cross his path. Natasha avoided Coulson and roamed through the town with Bruce as often as she could.

Sam and Tony kept an eye on surveillance and reports while Steve kept an eye on Bucky.

"Stop lurking in the shadows and get your ass over here, punk." The stalking made him even more nervous. "I'm not going to kill anyone, yet."

"Could have fooled me," he flopped down onto the couch, stretching out his legs and crossing his hands behind his head. "How are you feeling?"

"I've seen better days," he bit back the bity remark, Steve meant well and it was not alright to rip his head off because of his worry for him. "I wish I wouldn't know how they work. I've done this so many times; he must be a mess by now."

"He's headstrong and hates caving in," Steve looked at the ceiling. "He's probably laughing in their faces right now."

"Oh god," he placed his palms on his mask with a groan, letting them slide downwards until his fingertips met his chin before he placed them on his thighs. "That makes it even worse. Comfort is supposed to make people feel better, not the other way around."

The Captain chuckled at his friend's offended tone of voice, "I get rusty."

"Punk," he sighed deeply. "I miss him and the thought that he might not come home, scares the hell out of me. I need him, Stevie."

He couldn't see Bucky's eyes but his tone told him that he was shedding tears beneath the goggles and mask. "I know. We'll bring him home. He's my sassy brother-in-law after all."

"You're more like a dad. The way you fuss over him reminds me of my mom, though."

Steve gaped at Bucky for a moment, coaxing a soft chuckle out of the other man.

"I'm grateful, Stevie."

"What for?"

"I'm grateful for the fact that you accepted him so easily, I'm grateful that you got over your initial distrust and let him help me. I'm grateful for your support, I'm grateful for my friends and kids and I'm grateful that Coulson pushed him right into my arms. I should feel guilty for that but right now I can't. I never thought I would have all that," he spread his arms. "Back in the 40s I sometimes imagined how my life could be after the war, well provided that I live long enough to see the end of it. But nothing I ever imagined comes even close to what I have. In a twisted way I'm even grateful for that," he waved with his metal arm. _Without them I wouldn't be here today_.

"My gut tells me that Clint is fine," Steve was sure of that. Fate couldn't be so sick and twisted and take Bucky's reward for all the shit he had to endure away from him after just a couple of years. No, he declined to believe that Clint was gone. "And when we're back home, I'll pamper him for weeks straight."

"I think you have to get in line," his friends were protective and after close calls they tended to gravitate towards each other for days and sometimes weeks, making sure the other was okay and well cared for.

"Someone is coming," Steve turned his head towards the door leading to the front of the plane.

"We found plans for three bases on their server," Tony informed them. "Sam is on his way to check them out."

"Server?" Phil appeared behind Tony with his team in tow.

"Barnes is in possession of access codes for Hydra servers," Tony said casually.

"You have access codes and don't tell us about it?" Phil's voice rose. "What else are you hiding?"

"Hydra isn't aware that he has them," Tony rolled his eyes at the drama. "And using them bears a high risk of getting caught. I used my genius mind to make use of them without leading them straight to our doorstep."

"We should head out and take a look," Daisy was halfway out of the room to get her stuff as Steve's voice stopped her.

"We draw too much attention. We need to be stealthy," Steve got up and joined Tony when he explained where the bases were located and what they had to expect in case from each base Clint could be in.

"Don't you care at all?" Phil watched the Winter Soldier. Still masked, sitting on the couch, playing with his phone. "Why are you even here?"

"Because you lost our archer," he replied in a tone that sent a shiver down Fitz's and Simmons' spines.

"I didn't lose him!" Phil felt agitated. _How dares he…? _

"No?" His voice was laced with sarcasm. _He's mine_. "Sorry to destroy your pink fuzzy bubble but Clint isn't here, is he? And why is that? Because you didn't provide proper protection." Bucky knew he wasn't fair to him but his fear and anger needed an outlet.

"There was nothing he could have done to prevent it from happening," Daisy was sure of that.

"A better backup plan would have been useful," he wanted to punch the stuffing out of Coulson but Clint wouldn't like that so he stayed where he was. "Or more people."

"The less people involved the less the chance of…," Phil stopped himself before he could finish the sentence and make an even bigger fool out of himself.

Bucky snorted.

The silence that followed was more than awkward but came to an end as Bucky's phone started to vibrate. Barnes stared down at the screen and got up in an instant, "he's in the building you raided. Haven't you looked there?"

"Of course we inspected the building," Phil frowned. "How did you get the information?" His hand itched for his gun.

"Favors," he put his phone away and turned his head in Steve's direction.

"Tony," Cap looked over his shoulder at Stark.

"Avengers assemble," he smirked, heading down to cargo hold to get ready.

"We have to come up with a plan," Phil put his hand on Steve's arm, holding him back. "It's my operation, I'm still in charge."

"It's our operation and I am in charge," Steve glared at Coulson. "The moment Fury called us it became our business. Clint is an Avenger."

Bucky clapped Steve on the back to express his impatience. _Come on, man_.

Steve snapped out of it and followed Bucky to the ramp, "Tony, Sam, scout out the area until were there. Doc, the green guy has to wait a little longer. Natasha?"

She was busy hotwiring Phil's SUV, "found us a ride." There was no time to argue with Phil to get the key. "Get in."

Phil watched them leave, stunned by their boldness and awed by their determination to get the archer out of Hydra's clutches, _they love him_. The Avengers transformed from a bunch of misfits into a well-functioning team, he had to give them credit for their achievement. _Bring him home_.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::.

Phil and his team had to wait four hours for their return. The fact that they were on foot meant that they'd lost the car. His eyes went wide as he spotted the archer in Hulk's arms; the green monster cradled him carefully against his chest.

"Woah," Simmons mumbled and Fitz had to agree. Hulk was astonishing.

"He needs medical attention," Steve stated as neither Fitz nor Simmons moved to offer their help.

"Of course," Simmons and Fitz approached Hulk slowly.

"Cupid hurt," he put his friend down, very carefully so not to hurt him even more.

"W-we take care of him," she assured and reached for Clint's arm.

"Geez," Bucky growled and heaved his archer up, draping his lover's arm over his shoulder. "Steve."

Rogers steadied the archer from the other side. "Move!"

Simmons stopped gaping and showed them the way, kicking them out of the room when she started with his treatment.

Bucky and Steve returned to the cargo hold, where Natasha still tried to calm Hulk down so he could change back to Banner.

Phil studied each one of them, his Black Widow spotted a cut on her cheek and she favored her right leg. Banner was fine. Captain America's uniform was sprinkled with soot and blood if he wasn't mistaken but he didn't seem hurt. The Winter Soldier had blood on his forehead and on his artificial arm and practically everywhere else; Phil was pretty sure most of it wasn't his own but his knuckles of the real hand were bleeding and it seemed as if he had punched something very hard and very often.

Steve leaned against James and whispered in his ear, "go and get a shower and something to eat, Bucky. You're of no use to him while you're so wired and smell like a morgue."

James huffed but did not argue. Steve was right, the state he was in now would freak his lover out and that was the last he needed right now. He strolled over to the Quinjet to get spare clothes; he decided to use the small shower on board of Stark's plane instead of SHIELD's. The huge plane made him feel uncomfortable, he felt as if he didn't belong and maybe he didn't but Clint was there so he would return to the bus and stay until they were back in the states.

Bucky stepped into the tiny bathroom; he took off his mask and shades, followed by his clothes. He stepped under the hot spray and let out a relieved sigh. He closed his eyes for a while and placed his hands on the tile, bringing his chin close to his chest. The water on his sore neck and back felt good and he could feel his headache ease away ever so slowly. When he opened his eyes he could see a slight brown red tint to the water, circling down the drain. He had blood in his hair, on the exposed part of his face and on his arm. It wasn't pretty but it felt good, it felt good to beat those assholes into a bloody pulp. No one got out alive, they made sure of that. The nicely polished Captain America the media loved to praise was not as softhearted and harmless as they made him look. Steve was a battle hardened soldier not mother Teresa. _We're flying home soon, sweetheart. Luckily they took their time with him or else it could have turned out very differently_. He grabbed the shampoo Tony kept in the shower and started to work the dried blood from his hair, rinsing out reddish foam. After washing the blood from the rest of his body he turned off the shower. _I wasted enough time in here_. He dried his skin and changed into a clean pair of underwear, pants, under shirt and a new shirt. It was Clint's purple shirt with the official Hawkeye logo on it. Getting the blood out of his jacket was a bit tricky but he managed it in record time. After a quick shave he made a beeline for his bag on his way back and pocketed a small box.

Phil ignored Simmons' glare and strolled into the lab to make sure his archer would live. He was too worried to wait for news and the fact that he was the boss had its advantages.

"His body is littered with bruises and cuts," she started cleaning his face. "Surprisingly nothing seems broken. But he sprained his wrist." She pointed at the discolored and slightly swollen joint. "I don't know yet if he has a concussion, we have to wait for him to wake up. But the way his face looks and from the bump on the back of his head, I'd say he'll have at least one hell of a headache."

"So many scars," Phil placed his hand on Clint's uninjured hand.

"That one looks like a C-Section scar," Jemma chuckled softly but sobered up pretty quickly. "Someone tried to gut your boyfriend."

Phil studied Clint's body for a moment, soaking in every new scare. _So many. What did they do to_ _you?_ "That's why I hope you leave them. Playing with Gods and people with superpowers is too dangerous." He raked his fingers through Clint's dirty hair.

"How is Clint?" Steve leaned against the doorframe with an unreadable expression.

"I think he will be fine," Jemma tried to assure. "I can't find inner bleedings or other signs for life-threatening injuries. But we should return to HQ as fast as possible so their doctors can take a look at him.

"Drugs?" Steve asked in a neutral tone.

"I took blood samples but the results aren't done yet." She felt like a total noob under Captain America's hard gaze. "Don't worry so much. We're well equipped and trained to administer first aid. I can do that."

"Nobody accuses you of not being smart," Phil patted Clint's hand before he let go. "I trust your judgment."

"Coulson, Director Fury demands your attention," May's voice appeared through the speaker.

"I'm on my way."

The Avengers were called up to attend the briefing half an hour later.

-So you found him where they lost him?- Fury stated dryly. -Nice.-

For a moment Steve thought Nick would roll his eyes. "Miss Simmons assures us that he will be fine."

"I took the liberty and called my doctors to work together with Miss Simmons," Tony had forced a video conference on her on his way to the briefing.

-Can't hurt,- Nick shrugged. –And you!- He pointed at Bucky, who leaned against the wall and watched them silently. –You're not supposed to leave the country. Hell, you're not even permitted to leave New York.- He scolded loudly, even though it was the third time he left the country since working with the Avengers. But it was the first time it was not due to a worldwide crisis.

"You knew I'd go. You could have stopped me if you wanted to," Bucky sounded neutral and didn't move from his spot. He looked like a talking statue.

Fury sighed, -More trouble than it's worth. I'm short on staff and need them alive.-

"What now?"

-Congratuation, you passed your test. You have to pass psych evaluation by the end of the week and then you're an official member of the Avenger Initiative.- He had to pull a few string for it but Barnes was a valuable asset, it would be a shame to lose him; and in addition to that Clint would never forgive him if he put his fiancée in jail.

"Psych won't be a problem, sir." _About time my patience pays off_. He had to thank his friends and family for that. _I thought they keep me on a leash for the rest of my_ _life_, not that it was too awful. Sometimes, when the world was at risk, he got Nick's permission to accompany Clint and the Avengers when they headed for other states or countries but 'sometimes' was by far not as cool as 'always'.

-Good.-

"And Nick," Bucky stated the moment Nick shifted his attention to Phil.

-Hm.-

"Thank you," for the first time they could hear real emotion in his voice.

"Whatever, kid,- he couldn't hide the tiny upward curl of his lips.-Have you heard anything from Morse?-

"I got a message that the kids are in custody and they'll get back as soon as possible." _He's not even permitted to be here?_

-Good,- he wanted to say more as Daisy stormed into the room.

"He has a panic attack, we don't know what to do," she panted heavily. The archer was screaming and thrashing like a caged animal.

They were out of the room and in the lab in no time.

Phil reached out for Clint the way he did years ago when the archer suffered from a nightmare, "Clint, your safe."

Clint would have none of that and slapped his approaching hand away; he had no idea where he was, he couldn't hear and he couldn't breathe. He lay back down as his body was losing the fight against the lack of oxygen, _oh god_.

Bucky gave Coulson a strong push, and the Agent stumbled against a locker. "Can we move him?"

Jemma stuttered out a, "yes."

Bucky grabbed the front of Clint's shirt and heaved him up into an upright position, he gave Steve a curt nod and the Captain took the IV bag. Barnes dragged Clint to the wall close to the door. He sat down with his back against the wall and legs spread, he positioned Clint between his legs with his back against his chest. Bucky placed his real hand on his lover's chest, right above the heart and his steel hand rested on the archer's belly. With his real hand he put some pressure on Clint's chest, not too much so not to hurt him but enough that Clint could feel it in his panic hazed state, then he reduced the pressure, breathing out slowly in hope Clint could feel his breath through the mask on his skin and the movements of his own chest. He put pressure on the chest again and reduced it, he did that for over five minutes before Clint finally managed to keep his breathing pattern regular without help.

Clint put his right hand on Bucky's flesh hand and his left on his artificial hand, holding on for dear life. _Bucky. I knew you'd find me. I knew it._

"Stevie," James stated softly, wiggling with his right leg. "In the pocket."

Steve leaned over his friends and put his hand into the pocket, revealing a familiar box. He took the first hearing aid out of the box and placed it gently into Clint's ear, and then he moved back into his original position and placed the other aid where it belonged.

Steve smiled at Clint and signed, moving his mouth without making a sound, 'Can you hear me?'

Clint laughed at that, startling Phil and his team. "You didn't say anything."

"Yep," Steve beamed. "He's fine."

Jemma eyed the IV bag hanging from a nail on the wall where a few minutes prior her coat rag had been. It was unconventional but it would do. "Let me take a look at him." She got down on a knee, lifting her stethoscope. _So you're deaf_.

"No," Clint shook his head. "I'm fine."

Natasha appeared in the doorway with Bruce behind her, looking down at her friends, 'Panic attack?' She formed the sentence with her delicate fingers. Steve nodded. Black Widow took a blanked from the shelf and spread it on the ground next to Bucky. She lay down with her shoulder against Bucky's leg and her head against Clint's hip, she brought her knees close to her stomach. Bruce took of his glasses and got down next to her, pressing the side of his outstretched leg against her feet, putting his big hand on her hip.

"I briefed Sam on the incident so he won't feel left out," Tony stared at his StarkPad and rolled a chair towards Bucky's right foot, he sat down on it and leaned back in his chair with his feet inches away from Natasha's knees. Sam was in charge of flying the Quinjet home, following closely behind the bus and keeping his eyes open.

Phil watched them in silence, too shocked about the panic attack and the painful collision with the locker to do anything. He moved over to them, wincing at the pain in his hip. _I totally forgot that he can't hear me without his shades or aids. I can't believe that the godforsaken Winter Soldier was able to calm you down. How did he manage that? Fear? Faux trust? _"Let her take a look," he got down on his knees in front of Clint and Barnes, placing his hands on Clint's ankles. "Just to make sure."

"Happens sometimes. I'm fine," he didn't want to leave James's comforting embrace. _I'm safe here_.

"It could be drug induced," Jemma put her stethoscope down and backed away. "I can't give him anything until the blood screening is done. Our equipment is good but it takes some time. All I can do is keep him hydrated."

"Not drug induced," he shook his head. "They didn't bother with serums. They planned on bringing me to another base for… experiments. Didn't stop them from having some fun though," talking hurt, because of his bruises but letting go of Bucky's hands was not an option.

"Don't talk," Steve put his hand on top of Clint's, above the heart, and ruffled his hair with the other. "You could use some sleep."

Clint wanted to deny but James tightened his hold, swaying gently, coddling him. _I am tired_, he had to admit as he stifled a yawn. His eyes burned and his muscles felt sore and jelly like. "Sleep," James ordered barely above a whisper. _A few minutes_, he closed his eyes and fell asleep shortly after.

Phil watched Clint close his eyes, remembering a time the archer did so in his arms. "We need his blood results nonetheless," he let go of Clint's ankles. "What caused such a heavy reaction?" It wasn't like Clint to freak out in an unfamiliar environment and even in private after a nightmare, his panic attacks were nothing compared to the one he just had. Almost choking on his fears, fighting off people he knows with all his might.

"Loki, you," Natasha closed her eyes as well, resting a hand on Clint's leg. "A lot of bad stuff happened to him while you were gone."

"I can imagine a few things," his gaze wandered to Barnes. He had heard that Clint was in the middle of the showdown between SHIELD and Hydra; the archer even had to face the Winter Soldier.

Bucky felt his anger spike but he couldn't act on it without letting go and waking Clint; he cussed up a storm inside his head.

"They bonded over their brainwashing experiences," Natasha didn't bother to open her eyes. "Barnes never hurt him. He actually made it his mission to keep him safe."

Phil snorted, "Sure he does."

"You have no right to judge people, especially people you don't know. He is not a puppet anymore. He is his own Master now, and I really like James Barnes. I understand what Steve sees in him."

"You should have seen him back in the 40s," Steve still held Clint's hand, feeling Bucky's cooler hand beneath. _You need rest_. "Smooth talking, charming smile and unshakable beliefs. I never understood why he chose to protect me after we met but I'm grateful. Without him I wouldn't be where I am now."

"You're exaggerating," Barnes groaned. "And not protecting you would have been like neglecting a puppy. You were always so sick and attracted trouble every day. Now that I think about it, you're a lot like Clint in that regard. Everywhere you go trouble seems to follow." He rested his temple against Clint's, _keeping you guys safe is a challenge_.

"You want me to believe that the original Barnes is still in him?" He cast a doubtful look at Natasha.

She opened her eyes but it was Barnes who replied. "I'm not the same. I'm not scared of killing anymore, I'm not scared of a fight, and there are a lot more things I'm willing to do for the people I love. Despite all that I'm not much different."

"Didn't know you before, I wouldn't notice." Phil felt jealousy rush through his veins. The Winter Soldier looked way too comfortable with the archer in his arms. _Clint belongs to me_, a voice yelled inside his head. _All I need is time to make him see reason_.

"And you don't know me now," he kept his voice even. _I want to shoot him_.

"Bucky Barnes would never abandon a lover for a job," Bruce stated and got a confirming hum from Tony. "What he did, he did under the influence of others. What you did was solely your decision."

Phil let out an angered sigh and brought more space between them. He sat down on another chair next to the examination table. "I hadn't much of a choice."

Steve snorted, letting go of Clint's hand to sit down more comfortably. He leaned with his back against the wall and stretched out his long legs, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

"Well, boss. They have a point," Jemma winced when Phil glared at her.

"You should get some rest, Miss Simmons," Cap smiled at her. "We'll give you a call should we need your help."

"Okay," she was grateful for a way out.

"We should sleep, too," Bruce pinched the bridge of his nose.

Everyone aside from Rogers and Stark closed their eyes; at least Phil guessed that Barnes was sleeping as well but it was hard to tell with the mask, goggles and ability to remain absolutely still. His archer looked relaxed and slept unusually deep, he was out of it. That meant either he was unconscious or trusted his friends, including the Winter Soldier, to keep him safe. Phil studied the way he was breathing, holding on to the assassin's hands even in his sleep, although it was the Winter Soldier who made sure they stayed securely in place. A slight shifting of his hip told Phil that he was asleep and not unconscious. _You deny my help but you cling to the assassin as if your life depends on it. Why?_

_~ "Hey Phil?" The older Agent held a bleeding Clint in his arms. They were hiding from a group of arms dealer, the jungle was uncomfortably hot and the air way too damp._

"_Safe your energy," Phil said, brushing a strand of sweaty hair from his forehead._

"_I love you," he stifled a cough. "I just want you to know that."_

"_I know," he had known for a while now. Phil noticed changes in the archer's behavior around the time his own feelings started to change towards his teammate. As it turned out the archer fell in love with him about 8 months before Phil noticed the shift in his own feelings. "You have to hold on, so we can give us a shot."_

"_Do you mean that?" The archer's hopeful big eyes were clouded by pain and blood loss._

"_Yes," he assured, tightening his hold around Clint. "Just hold on a little longer," he placed a kiss on his forehead. The smile Clint directed at him afterwards was brighter than the sun and caused his heart to miss several beats. ~_

Phil took a shaky breath to sooth the raging feelings his memory brought with it. His heart rabbited in his chest and he could feel the affection he harbored for the archer, the warmth his smile caused and the sense of love when his bright blue eyes sparkled when he looked at him.

After two hours Phil noticed how Steve elbowed Barnes ever so slightly, the Captain closed his eyes. Shortly after Stark nudged Natasha with his foot, he leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes to get some sleep while Natasha opened her eyes. So that meant that Barnes was awake again as well, _they're keeping watch even though they're on my plane_. It hurt to know that his old friends and allies had no trust in him and took turns to keep each other safe. Phil's gaze returned to Barton's sleeping face, studying the Winter Soldier without being obtrusive. Barnes sat stock still and it was impossible to tell if he was awake or asleep, without the faint rising and falling of his chest Phil would have said the guy was dead. After another two hours Natasha patted Bruce's hand and the big doctor opened his eyes, reaching for the journal he had brought with him. Barnes jerked barely noticeable with his metal arm; a movement he would have missed if he wasn't so focused on the archer and assassin. Steve opened his eyes and stared directly at Phil; the Agent felt as if Rogers could look right into his soul with his piercing blue eyes and unyielding stare. Phil closed his eyes and decided to get a small amount of sleep; they had a couple of hours left until they reached New York.

Clint startled awake as Tony gave his foot a gentle kick, announcing loudly that they were landing in 30 minutes. "Geez, Tony. Give a guy a warning," he exhaled slowly. "Oh damn, sorry." He let go of Bucky's hands after giving them a squeeze, "you must be sore." _Falling asleep on you was not okay_.

"I have to take a piss," James had to admit that he was glad that Clint was finally awake and moved enough so not to put much pressure on his bladder anymore.

"Aww," he grimaced. Clint knew from experience how awful it was to have to pee but no opportunity to do so. He got onto shaky feet with Steve's and Bucky's help, "go. I can't cause trouble in such a short amount of time."

Bucky straightened his back, they could hear his spine crack, "your existence alone attracts trouble. All you need is the fraction of a second."

Clint laughed heartily; James attempt of humor told him that he was feeling better, his postured seemed more relaxed as well; before Clint had fallen asleep his lover had been extremely tense. "Go, go, go," he ushered his lover out of the room.

"No trouble," he poked Clint between the eyes with the index finger of his metal hand.

Clint swatted his hand away, "No trouble. I promise." He watched Bucky leave.

"How are you?" Natasha sat on the ground, looking up at Clint.

"I hurt all over," he admitted. "And the cuts itch." The shallow ones were already healing. "Well, most of them sting."

"You should lie down again," Phil placed his hand on Clint's arm, looking warmly at him.

"Nah," he pulled out the cannula despite Phil's protest. "Hey Steve, do you think you could find ice ships? My throat is killing me," he loved chewing on ice.

"Something tells me by the way your voice cracks when you speak and how raspy you sound that Buck is already in search of ice," he smiled knowingly.

"I reckon," Clint blushed a bit. His lover was indeed an Angel.

"Sit down, buddy, before you keel over," Tony gave his friend a quick once over.

Clint did as he was told much to Phil's surprise; the archer was not known for obeying orders regarding his health. Telling him what to do, made him just more stubborn to prove that he could do whatever they thought he couldn't.

"My hero," Clint whispered when Bucky appeared with a cup of crushed ice, making grabby hands. "You're an Angel in disguise."

"Wasn't it devil in disguise?" Tony asked, not paying their conversation much attention it was just something his mind registered as incorrect.

"He's not the devil," Clint kicked against Stark's chair. "I don't care for the original version."

Bucky was confused; Clint could tell by the way he tilted his head a bit. "I'll explain it to you when we're home."

"I'm not sure I want to know," he growled. Simmons and Fitz weren't sure if it was the right moment to enter but finding the right timing seemed impossible with the scary assassin and a tense Captain America around, not to mention Black Widow and the freaking Hulk they could trigger any moment. Stark seemed like the lesser evil compared to the rest.

"I need to check your vitals," she announced.

"It's just a song, James. No need to worry," he grinned mischievously, holding out his arm for her without acknowledging her presence.

She looked flabbergasted for a moment and needed a few seconds to collect herself, checking his vitals while he continued to ignore her.

'Can I borrow a shirt before we land?' He signed, then tugged on the blue shirt they dressed him in, which were normally part of a lab outfit. _I'm glad they let me keep my pants_. It was the panic attack which prevented them from taking off his pants.

"Our stuff is in the Quinjet," Tony eyed him thoughtfully. "Sam can bring one after we land."

Clint nodded sadly, he didn't feel well in the shirt.

The noise of a zipper caught their attention. Bucky took off his jacket and put it aside before he took off the purple shirt, handing it over to Clint. "I was in need of a shirt," he shrugged at the goofy grin Clint directed at him.

The archer took the shirt and put it on with a satisfied sigh, the shirt was still warm and smelled of James, sweat and soap. He loved it. "Thanks."

'You're welcome,' he signed and put his jacket back on.

Phil's eyes widened comically when the Winter Soldier revealed a purple Hawkeye shirt, clashing with the black of his uniform. _What the…? Are you flirting with him?_ _He speaks ASL as well? They all seem to know how. What is he to you? _Phil never bothered learning much ASL, he was too busy with other stuff and Clint could read lips or had aids so it wasn't absolutely necessary. The fact that Barnes learned ASL bothered him greatly.

Clint tilted his head and gave his ex a funny look, _what the hell are you angry at?_ "You okay?"

"What? Yes, I'm fine," Phil forced his lips into a smile. "You could stay, you know," he said softly.

"I don't belong here," he placed a hand on Bucky's chest to stop him from punching Phil into a bloody pulp. Bucky moved but stopped when Clint's warm hand pressed into his chest, _I'm not going to lose you and he sure as hell can't have you. _

"I'm an Avenger," Clint smiled. "It's not just a team of heroes. We're family. Sure we don't always agree, we fight, we say mean things, we do stupid things, but by the end of it we say sorry, shake hands and forgive. I love being an Avenger and nothing could ever change that. Not even you," _especially not you._

Phil nodded with a heavy heart; he could see that Clint was right. The archer was important to them and it seemed that Captain America and the Winter Soldier took a liking to him. Rogers always kept his eyes on Clint like an overprotective father or big brother. The Winter Soldier handled Clint with care as if he was made of glass and compared to them he was.

"We're home," Tony announced shortly before the bus got ready to land. They gathered at the cargo hold, watching the hatch open. The sky was bright blue and the sun shone, bathing them in warm rays of light.

They stepped out of the bus and were greeted by a bunch of people in a safe distance.

Phil jumped as a teen appeared suddenly next to them, vanishing again in a gush of wind.

The kid ran two circles around Clint and Bucky. "Hey old man," he poked Clint in the arm with a shit eating grin. "You look like shit."

Clint rolled his eyes dramatically. Pietro jumped up and down, turning around to look at his sister. "I annoy the hell out of him. He's fine," he yelled so she could hear him; running a few more circles before a red fog surrounded him, pulling him towards Wanda. "Woahhh, hey."

"Stop making him dizzy," she put him down to her left, smiling at the blond blue eyed laughing baby in her arm. "You like that, don't you?" The kid clapped his hand, chuckling happily.

"Traitor," Pietro poke the kid lightly in the nose. He returned his attention to Clint and the others, walking towards them. Way too slowly for his liking so he joined the group again but before he could poke Clint again a heavy arm snaked around his waist, lifting him up. Bucky threw him over his shoulder, fireman style. "Hey, no, no, no. Let me down, I'm not a kid. Hey, man," he hit frantically with his palms against Bucky's back, paddling with his feet. All he got for his efforts was a deep rumbling laugh.

Clint smiled at them so warmly that Phil wondered once more what was going on. _Who's the kid?_ He could hear Daisy's amused laugh next to him.

Pietro gave up with a loud suffering sigh, hanging over his foster father's shoulder like a wet rag for a moment. "Hey old man," he lifted his head to look at Clint. "Are you hurt worse than this?" He gestured at the bruises.

"Nah, they wouldn't have let me walk out of there on my own if I were," the archer winked.

"Come on, dad. Let me down," he patted Bucky's back once again.

James' step faltered for a moment, the twins never called them dad or the like so it was a big surprise. _I reckon Clint's disappearance scared him_. _Sitting home while others do the work is not easy_ _to handle_. He had no idea what he would have done if Fury had prevented him from going. "Well, because you asked so nicely," he mocked, letting Pietro down.

Clint felt his heart stutter at hearing Pietro call Bucky dad for the first time. They weren't their kids and they knew each other for just two years but the bond between them had always been a strong, unshakeable one.

_Dad?_ Phil was shocked by what he heard and saw. The Winter Soldier from the files and the man he met on the plane were so very different from the man he was seeing since they left the bus. _Barnes has children? It can't be. _

"Wanda," Clint smiled in delight, ruffling her hair.

"I'm glad you're alright," she smiled in relief. "Look who's back?" She handed the kid over to Clint who took the little one and held him close to his chest.

"Hey," he kissed the kid's temple. "I missed you," his eyes watered as the warm body in his arms let out a happy 'da'. He pushed the shades Tony had given him upwards and looked down at the kid and then at the two teens in front of him. _I could have_ _lost it all_, he held on to his son a little bit tighter.

Pietro shuffled awkwardly with his feet, trying to avoid the sadness in his foster dad's eyes, he fought against himself for a moment before he decided to screw it. He wrapped his arms around the archer and his little brother, burying his face in the crook of Clint's neck. Wanda gave them a watery smile and wrapped her arms around Pietro and Clint.

The archer placed a hand at Pietro's neck, resting his chin on top of Wanda's head. "I missed you," he sounded heartfelt. "I missed you so much."

Bucky watched them, smiling warmly under his mask. _I could have lost him_. _We could have lost him! I love you, all of you. _

Pietro was the first to let go of Clint with an amiable pat to the shoulder. Wanda kissed him on the cheek, "I'm glad you're home."

Clint nodded, not trusting his own vocal cords right now. The toddler made grabby hands at the Winter Soldier and Clint grinned, taking a deep breath to calm his nerves. "Someone wants to be cuddled," Clint placed the kid in Bucky's arms.

Phil made a step forwards without thinking as a firm hand on the shoulder stopped him. "Let him," Nick stared at the assassin with the baby in his arms.

"But…"

Nick shook his head.

Bucky held his boy with his metal arm so he could cares his soft cheek with his real one. "Hey, I bet you missed us. Sorry," he took off his shades and put them in his back pocket, after that he took off his mask, smiling brightly at his son. "Say hello to Uncle Nick," he and the toddler looked at Nick and Phil's group of misfits.

Phil forgot how to breathe; the kid had Clint's blond hair but the eyes. _He has his eyes_, he clenched his fists. Barnes eyes were tired and red but there was no doubt that the baby boy had the same eyes as the Winter Soldier.

The child waved at Nick, eying Phil curiously while he clung a bit tighter to his dad.

"He's so adorable," Daisy walked closer to the baby.

"Let me introduce you to Francis James Barton-Barnes. He's ten months old," Clint stated with a kind of pride only parents were capable of. "That's Pietro aka Quicksilver and that's his twin sister Wanda also known as Scarlet Witch. They're also part of the Barton-Barnes household," his pride didn't dim when he introduced the twins.

"You have a child?" Phil choked out what his heart and mind so desperately tried to ignore. Daisy cooed to the kid while Barnes watched her with amusement.

"Three," the archer corrected. "But Francis is our biological son, that's right."

"How?" _Why him?_ _I didn't know you wanted children._

"I have no idea how he managed that but Thor guilt tripped his brother. Loki came back one more time to take a look into Clint's head to grant him his biggest wish," Steve put his arms on Bucky's shoulder, looking over his shoulder at the child, sticking out it tongue. "Nine months later Francis was born."

"He granted you a child?" The story blew his mind.

"I can get more children," Clint was grateful for Loki's way to make amends. "He granted me the ability to bear children." He kissed Bucky on the mouth, caressing his cheek lovingly. "I finally have what I always wanted."

Bucky leaned forward to lock their lips together. "Give him to me. Come to Auntie Natasha," Natasha took Francis into her arms, cooing happily. "You're such a good boy," she started playing with him.

Clint wrapped his arms around Bucky's neck, kissing him passionately. "Thank you for saving me," he breathed against James' lips.

"I'll always come for you," he brought their foreheads together. "Always."

Coulson stared at them brokenheartedly. "You have to blame yourself," Nick stated dryly. "All this could have been yours but you chose to let go."

"I did."

"Letting him go was the biggest mistake you ever made," he crossed his arms in front of his chest.

"From what I'm seeing, setting him free was the best for him."

"It was," he felt sorry for Clint back then. He felt sorry that the archer was trapped in a dysfunctional relationship.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"You never asked and what good would it have done?" _There was nothing you could do to stop them from falling madly in love. I wouldn't have let you. _

"We should leave," Phil couldn't stand to see them together with their kids. He turned his head, looking at the bus, _I'm alone_. Sure he had his team but it was not the same. He returned his gaze to Clint and Barnes. _He's got it all_. "Take off in twenty. See you around, Clint," the smile he sent the archer was surprisingly genuine, when he turned around, heading back to the bus his smile faded until all that remained was regret.

The End.


End file.
